Ohmy.. right before I log in to blogspot, I know exactly what I want to write. Now its completely gone. Sucks.
Well.. ermm.. I've been feeling kinda useless lately.
I hate when people underestimate me over something. And I hate it even more when I feel that they're right. But I don't want to feel that way, I want to prove them that they're WRONG. I know deep inside.. THEY ARE WRONG.
Random thoughts : I think I used the word "I" too much. Don't you think?
Okay, back to the topic.
Remember when I post "I GOT THE JOB" and get so excited about it? Well its right what they say "high expectations kill you". I applied as a Graphic Designer in this graphic house; a well-known brand in urban generation I can say. I expect a great environment, a super friendly co-worker, an easy job desk and a cool client (which now I realize, it only exist in my head). First day at the new office, I hated it. I hated it to the bone. I literally got sick on my way home. Its like my body rejects the job. I resign after 3 days of working.
Its not them, its me. I took the risk accepting the opportunity to be a graphic designer while I know that I don't want to be one. It is not my passion even though it is my major, it is my life for 4 years. I got so scared that I might not have a job, I take whatever the situation offered at the time. Big mistake. I've learned my lesson indeed.
So now I'm back being jobless.
I hate it, the word 'jobless'. Its like the universe telling you that you are useless, you are a failure. I believe at some point, my time will come. I will get my dream job no matter how long it takes. What makes me anxious and weary is, people's point of view. Their critics, opinions and all that bullshit telling me that I'm wrong not having a job at the moment. That I'm wrong being picky and not having a job as a graphic designer because thats my major. Well you know what? Screw you, society! It is my life, I'm gonna live it with my own way. Call me a stubborn but I believe God will put down His hands and He will lead me to His plans, His beautiful beautiful plans for my life. Amen.
Now it takes me back to my post "2012 Resolution". I think I have to change it. I said that I want a career this year, as a resolution. But I'm forgetting the source, the how-to-get-a-career. So, my 2012 resolutions are :
1. Building my relationship with God
2. Learn how to commit to myself
I am too proud as a person. I forget the fact that without Him, I am nothing.
You know, I rarely go to church every Sunday. I don't know why, maybe it relate to point number 2. I hardly commit on everything.
Commitment. I'm not saying it scares me, its just that I'm feeling tied down when I have to commit. But everything have to start with commitment, right? You can't do something and change your mind after 3 seconds then stop doing it. That's awful.
So this is what I mean 'The situation pushed me to change my way of thinking". I guess this is my turning point. This is the moment where I have to change my attitude, my lifestyle, even my appearance. This is the time when I have to grow up and take responsibility. Giving tribute to my society.