on things i recently feel

i feel i'm not doing my best, i.e work related. feels like not showing any progress, the harder i try to move forward, i'm moving backwards instead (does this means i shouldn't even try?). this makes me feels like a s-p-o-i-l-e-d brat, but sometimes i just feel that everything is O VE R W H ELM I N G. and it leads me to feel that i don't belong, feels like i am NOT meant to be a writer, because lately i no longer feel that joy and excitement when writing. i feel i don't have the capability to create a good story/good design/good photograph. i feel like i'm losing my touch in almost everything.  

i feel childish and selfish and insensitive most of the time, tough i am grateful for being able to control my anger sometimes, unlike i used to. which is a good thing. i feel like my family is having a hard time but content at the same time. i feel i'm ignoring them, not giving them my best. that makes me sad.
i feel confused about what major should i take for my master degree, but i feel like i don't want a master degree and i "want" it because my parents "want" me to have master degree (though they definitely want whats best for me; always). i feel like i want to have master degree to prove myself that i CAN have a master degree because i am a responsible human being and i'm not here just to have fun. i feel like i'm obliged to have a master degree.

i feel terrified that some people trust me to do something that i feel i am not able to do/give my best. i don't like the responsibility but i feel that it's one of the things that's given to you whether you like it or not. have a strong feeling that one day i'll become what i destine to become, whether it's a yoga expert, author, photographer, letterer, even a housewife :)

and last, above all.. I FEEL LOVED, and it's been an amazing great feeling, beating all my insecurities. though he's a thousand miles away, but i feel like what we have is simple and beautiful and amazing and healthy and i like it. i feel like this is the best relationship so far. feeling so lucky to have met him in the most perfect time of my life.  time where i realize to stop fooling around and start taking my life seriously. and i love how open and understanding he is that i feel like i can say anything about my feelings and the fact that what i think/feel matters to him so much. i feel like i keep wanting to be a better person, for him, but mostly for myself.

thanks, love :)

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